Self-Care: An Obligation, A Personal Responsibility, and An Amanah

There’s so much talk about self care right now and I want to chime in and talk about it as well - but on a much deeper level than what I’m currently seeing.

Much of the self care talk has a focus on pampering the physical body and appearances. But the self care that I want to discuss involves the whole being. I don’t see self care as being optional, I see it as an obligation, a personal responsibility,  and an amanah. It is a basic right of each individual to care for, value and treat yourself in a manner befitting the magnificent creation of Allah. It is a means of honoring your existence and praising Allah for his wonderful creation (YOU!).

Your Self-Care Is Your Personal Responsibility 

No one can eat, sleep, exercise, think, reflect, etc, for you. No one can even make decisions for you unless you allow them to (and by the way, that is co-dependency and sets you up to attract a controlling/narcissistic person who thrives on those relationships). 

Performing acts of self-care is directly correlated to how much you love and value yourself. It is because you believe you are worthy and deserving of love that you take care of yourself. This is a basic human need that we all have and too often we look outside of ourselves to meet it.  

Your physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, social wellbeing has to be seen as a priority that is YOUR responsibility, just like eating, breathing, sleeping, praying etc. Your heart, mind, body and soul have a right over you, so how are you taking care of it?

If You Neglect Yourself, Expect To Lose Yourself

We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. So for example, if you live your life trying to manage other people’s emotions and never saying ‘No’ because you have no boundaries, then what happens to your relationships? People will start to treat you by the standard that YOU have set for them. 

They will always come to you to be rescued, they will not think your time is important, they will always be there waiting for your help because you’ve never stepped back and given them the opportunity to step up and help themselves out of their dysfunction or codependency. 

I see this a lot in the ‘mom and child’ or ‘wife and husband’ relationships and those relationships are usually loaded with expectations, guilt, and obligations when proper boundaries are not in place. 

You need to realize that when you neglect yourself, not only are you displeasing Allah, but you allow a lot of built-up anger, bitterness, and resentment in your life when you don’t take care of your needs. These negative emotions don’t just stay with you though, they get passed on to people around you, especially those closest to you - your spouse, siblings, family members and especially your kids!

Give and Serve From Your Overflow

There is nothing wrong with having boundaries. In fact, they are often necessary and having healthy boundaries in place is a duty to yourself and an act of self-discipline.  Boundaries are how we claim our God-given rights.

Setting boundaries and limits are some of the greatest acts of self care and love. You are essentially saying to those around you, “I'm important too, I matter too, I have needs too and I have value and purpose too!”

Understand that when you say YES to something you are saying NO to something else in your life. And when you say NO that means you are saying YES to other things in your life. The goal is to say YES to the right things that are pleasing to Allah and fill and fuel you as a human being. Then you can give and serve for Allah's pleasure from your overflow because otherwise you'll be depleted.

So here’s what I want you to do right now - write down one or two things you can put in place to care for your mind, body, soul, heart. Seriously, do it and list out more if you want. Then, when the “yeah but” excuse creeps in ...remember what self-neglect will cost you. 

Do you feel guilty when you say NO to someone? 

How does feeling guilty serve you and what does saying YES cost you? I’d like to hear from you and support you on your journey of self-discovery.

To learn how join Rayesa and Khadija on this powerful intimate journey for a 6 week program. Self Love: Your birthright. https://www.rayesagheewala.com/self-love-program.