Just like graduation, moving house or marriage require logistics and specific steps to go through, so too does divorce. Divorce boils down to a series of steps needed to go from a being a couple to uncoupling.
To navigate the process and understand our response, you need to start by evaluating your thoughts and beliefs about divorce. Only then will you understand what’s triggering your behavior; because our actions reflect our deepest beliefs.
There is so much angst and overwhelm around finding a partner, and especially so for the divorced Muslimah.
You know what doesn’t help? The rhetoric about 'No good Muslim guys out there'.
It makes the pursuit of marriage after divorce seem really daunting because it creates a narrative of being doomed to be alone leading to despair and depression or being stuck in an unhappy marriage again, also leading to despair and depression.
This mindset can make a woman...
Similar to all the uncertainties from the current pandemic of Coronavirus, safety and security are real concerns for women during divorce.
Divorce is a huge life altering change. Everything as you once knew it is shifting and you are going into new unchartered territory. It’s common to feel panic, anxiety and fear.
Let’s unpack this a bit and break down the difference between physical and psychological safety.
A different kind of security
According to Psychology, our actions are connected to our feelings and rooted in our thoughts.
Thought feelings action.
So it’s important to know that your actions come from you and only you. It’s not about or because of others.
But it requires a great deal of self awareness and consciousness to realize it and internalize this truth.
Pitfalls of Focusing on Behavior Modification
Solely focusing on behavior modification won’t work because the behavior is...
Have you ever struggled with asking for or accepting help when it’s offered?
Do you feel that asking for help is an inconvenience, burdensome, and embarrassing?
If you’re stuck in problematic situations and yet refuse help, realize that this only results in you overburdening yourself and the cost of that is that it can lead to voluntary self-isolation.
If you say ‘NO’ long enough, people will stop offering and just leave you to fend for yourself because...
These times are just another passing moment in history. History has seen many epidemics, pandemics, tragedies and life always goes on.
Remember, Allah does not test us with more than we can handle. We won’t always know the reason why and that’s OK we can still move forward as the best of human nature, not the worst.
Focus on what we can do and what we have control over - which is how we respond, not spend time figuring out ‘why’.
This Time is...
When you comb through your past to replay all the events that occurred and all your reactions to those events, you are living in that reality in your mind.
It feels so real that we hold it as truth.
But living in the past often causes despair, hopelessness, and even suicidal thoughts because you can never go back and change the past. It becomes overwhelmingly frustrating to live in a reality that simply doesn’t exist anymore.
So, how do you help yourself out of the...
Have you ever felt depressed by how easily you’ve been replaced, like within months of the divorce or even during the marriage (infidelity)?
Have you ever felt that your ex-husband quickly moved on while you are left coping with the mess and trying to put your life back together?
Many sisters have expressed that they’ve felt confused, numb and heck, even relieved. Everyone will have a different reaction because every marriage is unique and different.
But if you’re one...
Divorce is an overwhelming life change. Your mind can feel like mush and full of confusion. There’s so much to take care of and address that sometimes you feel like you don't know where to start.
You’re just trying to stay afloat in survival mode.
Often, the issue of time management comes up when you’re left to juggle everything and with little or no help.
Recently a sister reached out to me and said this:
“I wish I had time .. one of my...
There’s so much talk about self care right now and I want to chime in and talk about it as well - but on a much deeper level than what I’m currently seeing.
Much of the self care talk has a focus on pampering the physical body and appearances. But the self care that I want to discuss involves the whole being. I don’t see self care as being optional, I see it as an obligation, a personal responsibility, and an amanah. It is a basic right of each individual to...