Do You Struggle With Comparing Yourself To Your Married Sister? Here’s The Cure

“What does she have that I don’t?”

“Why does she have it all?”

“Why can’t I have it too?”

“Why me?”

We’ve all been guilty of this - comparing ourselves to others. You may look at others, ie: your sister’s marriage, and suddenly some unpleasant feelings overcome you. 

Yes, even though you may be happy for her and say the token ‘Mashallah’, you may privately be questioning yourself or wondering what’s wrong or lacking within you that you don’t deserve the same happy marriage.

But here’s the truth my sister:

Each  soul is unique and everyone struggles in one or many parts of their life.

That’s 100% FACT! 

Often times we don’t see another person’s struggle - it’s hidden from us but it’s there. It may be that someone has a happy marriage but is struggling with their health, their deen, their finances - only Allah knows the full extent of their affairs.

So what’s the point in comparing ourselves with others? At the end of the day, when you compare yourself with others, it’s really just a judgment of yourself - which is only your perception.

And yet, comparison is a powerful disease and it kills. 

Yes, it literally kills your success in this life and in the next life. 

Comparison leads to envy

When envy enters your heart, it fills you up with feelings of wanting something at the expense of someone else losing it. 

This is dangerous territory as now you are declaring that you are more entitled to “it” than someone else and involving another person through hassad (evil eye).

One cure for this is making dua for whomever has the blessing you want and asking Allah to increase and preserve the blessings for them.  The angels say ‘Ameen and for you too’. 

There are plenty of blessings to go around. You are asking the King of Kings for something that all He has to do is say “BE” and it is WITHOUT taking away from anyone else. 

Comparison leads to resistance of Qadr

When you compare and ask ‘Why me?’ questions, you begin to resist the qadr of Allah. 

This creates a lot of turbulence in the soul as there is no acceptance or belief that Allah wants only the best for you. Once you submit to Allah’s will and believe in Qadr, you will find peace and see openings for new opportunities and blessings to come in because you’re not blocking them by chasing something other than what God wants for you.

Comparison leads to self hatred

Comparison leads to self hatred which takes you further away from Allah and His blessings for you. When you compare yourself to others, you allow yourself to feel unworthy or undeserving of Allah’s blessings and you can go through life always thinking that you’re falling short.

By focusing on what you have rather than what you don’t, you’ll learn to be patient and grateful. 

That is how you’ll let in Allah’s blessings for you. 

So, stop comparing your:

Marriage
Home
Kids
Looks
Career 
Weight
Car 
Social circle

You get the picture.

You are perfect as your are on your journey back to God. Because you’re a human, you are perfectly imperfect by design. We all have things to improve on our path to be the best version of ourselves. That is for us to uncover along the way. 

Every human has the potential and possibility of happiness as long as we open ourselves and working through our thinking, fear, and lack of action. What we want might not be what is best for us. 

Be content and believe that Allah is the best of Planners and Disposer of our affairs.

So sisters, I want to leave you with these:

1. Build your self awareness -  observe yourself and recognize the ‘comparison thinking’ whenever certain thoughts pop up.
2. Then focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have.
3. Focus on where you have been planted (your situation). Don’t resist. Submit and accept it so you can recognize the opportunities around you to help you thrive.
4. Internalize this:

Allah is the only ONE that can judge and HE doesn’t compare you to His other servants, so neither should you. 

I want to hear from you...

What is holding your back from focusing on what you have and celebrating it?

Let me know in the comments.