Behavior is a Symptom, Not the Root Cause

When we feel stuck, especially in relationships, it’s easy to think the problem lies in others or how they treat us. But behavior—whether it’s our own or someone else’s—is merely a symptom of a deeper, often hidden root cause.

Take, for instance, a client I recently worked with. She came to me feeling frustrated and disappointed that despite going above and beyond for her family and friends, she never received the same effort in return. This frustration wasn’t just limited to her friendships—it extended into her marriage and her entire approach to life.

But here’s the thing: her behavior was not the real issue. The underlying root cause was an unmet need for validation and worthiness. Like many women, she had been conditioned since childhood to please others to be loved and accepted.

As we worked together, two major shifts happened for her:

1. Her intention was misaligned. She realized that much of her actions were motivated by a desire for approval, belonging, and love from others, rather than the pleasure and worship of Allah.

2. She recognized that her worth is non-negotiable. Her worth was given to her by Allah alone—no one else had the power to validate or diminish her worth.

Through our sessions, she began to understand that her thoughts and beliefs were creating her reality. By addressing the root issue, not just the behavior, her mindset began to shift. As her consciousness rose, so did her relationship with Allah and herself. She stopped:

• Abandoning and neglecting herself to please others.

• Depleting herself by crossing her limits.

Instead, she began:

• Respecting and honoring her boundaries.

• Living authentically without the fear of how others would perceive her.

• Grounding her actions in her relationship with Allah, ensuring her intentions were aligned with His pleasure.

The result? She experienced a transformation from within. She no longer sought validation from others because she found her worth in her relationship with Allah. She became more connected, respected, and loved by her family and friends—not because they changed, but because she did. She now operates from a place of abundance, not neediness.

If you find yourself constantly giving without receiving, and you feel like your relationships have become unbalanced, divorce might seem like the only solution. But before making that decision, ask yourself if you’re ready to invest in yourself and make the internal shifts necessary to experience different results.

Book a clarity call with me, and let’s see if you’re ready for Empowered Choices, my signature program that helps Muslim women make decisions about their marriage with clarity, confidence, and Tawakkul.