How Could Your Divorce Be a Success?

Am I a failure?

Did I do everything to make my marriage work? 

What am I lacking? 

Does being a divorcee automatically put me in the failing path?

Do any of these questions seem all too familiar to you? Each one of these questions addresses one thing, your beliefs about being a divorcee. 

It is already rare to hear the words ‘divorce’ and ‘success’ in one sentence, let alone thinking that a divorce can lead to success.

But I am here to tell you, it can. All you need is a shift in your intentions, your purpose, and your end goal. 

Let’s start with the topic of success.

How do you define success from your perspective?

Perspective is not a fixed thing. My own perspective of success has shifted throughout the years because of the evolution and growth that I have gone through.

It has shown me that there are different perspectives in terms of personal success. Some of the words and phrases that might come to mind could be feeling complete, contentment, having a sense of peace within your heart and mind, or achieving the end goal that you are aiming for.

What is your brand of success? If you are still not sure, the next question might be able to help. 

What is your end goal? Are you fulfilling your purpose? 

As a woman of faith, a Muslim, we know that we were created simply to worship The Creator in every action that we do. That could be by serving His creations with the gifts, blessings, talents, privileges, and opportunities that we've been gifted. 

With the right intention, we can turn anything that we do to fulfill that purpose. 

How can your divorce help you to achieve this?

Could your divorce become the impetus to your spiritual and emotional rebirth? For me, going through a divorce brought me closer in my relationship with God.

I was coming out of a codependent relationship. I was dealing with the devastation from that emotional turmoil when I turned to my Creator knowing that I would never be disappointed or let down and that in turn made me braver in taking my own personal responsibility. 

What is your action for your own personal responsibility?

Let’s take the analogy of when we are hungry and praying for food. Are we expecting the food to be prepared on a platter, ready to eat without us doing anything? Or will we get up and spring to action to put that food on our table, ready for us to enjoy?

My divorce has forced me to take personal responsibility and that has transformed my life in terms of how I think and my decision making. It has lead me to all the wonderful opportunities just because I decided to take action. And it is not just for me, but for you too. These newfound opportunities could blow your own expectation, in the best way. 

What are your own expectations in life?

We don’t always feel aligned with our purpose in life. You could be on autopilot, just like I was, going through the motions, living the life that we thought was expected of us according to everyone else. Get married, be a wife, become a mother and take on the roles that were molded by the outside world. 

But why can’t we fulfill our purpose as long as our intention is to help other people and serve God's creation? Why let others tell us what we can and cannot do? Why let others dictate what roles you need to have in order to serve your purpose?

Where are your current beliefs rooted from?   

How do other people’s words affect your self belief?

 “I was told that I wasn’t good enough” then I started to believe that with every experience that was perceived as a failure.

Opinions are free, right? But unfortunately, the weight of these opinions could be costly. What weight do you give to other people’s opinion? Are those opinions the truth? 

YOUR TRUTH is intimately shared between you and your Creator. It is not about answering to other people. It is about answering to your own mind, your own heart, and experiencing your own journey in seeking those answers. 

Question your current beliefs about being a woman and the status that comes with it. 

1. What is your worth and value as a woman?
2. What do you think about a divorced woman?
3. Where do these ingrained beliefs come from?
4. What does this status of being divorced means for you and your worth as a woman?

Are these rooted in culture and society or Quran and Sunnah?

Are you ready to determine success on your own terms? 

What you believe about yourself is how you will show up and project to the outside world. It is what you will attract in life and be attracted to. It is the driving force on how people perceive you.  

What is your priority in life?

Is it fulfilling your own self driven purpose or fulfilling what the outside world asked of you?

Success needs to be first defined by you because this is your journey and life to live. So how do you define success? And what sources do you use to define it?

My divorce has led me to be closer to Allah, take personal responsibility, define my own success and achieve a sense of inner peace. 

That has been my happily ever after and it just might be yours too.

If you're struggling with moving forward and defining your own success, reach out to me and let’s talk.