How could your divorce be a success?

Uncategorized Jun 06, 2019

I know it sounds really odd and at first we want to just say that this message is not about saying the answer is to get divorced that is what you see, I think this message is not about saying that is what you should do because you will be successful I just want to put that out there. This message is really how it is possible. Let's explore the ways of how you can make your divorce a success.

 

There are failures after you go through a divorce. You know, changing your marital status to divorced just feels like a sign of failure whether it's you believe in the family, believed in the community believes that you know. Okay and now I'm sitting here in my bedroom with the sun on me because those of you who know me know that I love to be in the sun and I could set this up outdoors so I'm really enjoying being indoors and having the warm literally and figuratively of the sun on me and so I brought this topic up because many times, women are taught us and they think about themselves the perspective is you know, I failed my marriage.  I didn't succeed happily ever after it didn’t work for me, I couldn't make it work no matter what I did so I'm throwing out there could. Your divorce could be a success for you could it be a form of having success for you and how so first of all.

 

As we go through this I really encourage you to get a piece of paper and jot some questions down for yourself which is going to help you have a deeper meaning in reflection and roles for yourself. So ask yourself is your divorce a failure an answer that for yourself are you a failure or going through a divorce. And how and then we're on the other end of the spectrum we're talking about success so the first thing to do is how do you define success right now. I want you to answer that question for yourself so workers on your own and stuff he'd throw some answers out to me like what it what's your perspective of success just give me a few words you know brought a few words and on Facebook if you are hearing this questions on a few words and how you do you define success and. Share with me how you define success from a personal perspective from your perspective okay. Because in a moment I am going to share with you my perspective and it wasn't always this way but my evolution my growth has shifted and has shown me that there are different perspectives so nobody wants to share. Nobody wants to just throw some words up there on what to success mean to you. Okay, I'm not saying complete and content meant yes being complete from what I understand being content piece deep within your heart and mind. And she the end goal okay like that I like all of those what is the end goal you know I want to really take this all the way deep. Into our thinking and our hearts and our minds so what is the end goal you know when we say something like and what-what is that and that you know people say that a lot you know what's the angle what's the angle what do you prioritize and were you doing what's your angle sold. Defined that define that for yourself what is your end goal right and if you achieve your end goal that means success right. So good to see you thanks thank you for joining and so when you ask yourselves you know we look at one end of the spectrum which was are you a failure for being divorced from going through a divorce are you feel your because you can make your marriage work didn't you know I'll end up with a happily ever after to work and the other end of the spectrum is how can you look at your divorce as a success and so we go what went through and you just how do you define did can get the word out how do you define success some of the answers shared was complete being complete contentment peace deep within your mind and heart and achieving the end goal.

 

Know your life the purpose of your life why are you here you know what is the purpose of your life so any answering that and I was a woman of faith as a Muslim I know that I was created simply to worship the creator in every action that I do and how I worship my creator is partly by serving his creations so with the gifts and the blessings and the talents and the privileges and the opportunities that I've been gifted. That I've been blessed with as an act of worship so I can turn anything that I do if I had the right intention for serving God's creation to help and benefit them with what he has gifted me right and so the next question would be to I know I want you I want to hear that resonates with you if that sounds like you can work for you or it's totally not in relation to your end goal. And so you can ask yourself as I did. How can my divorce help me to do this? More help me to do this and how right and for me I know that my divorce was the impetus to my spiritual and emotional read first and it did bring me closer my relationship to god so for me in my story I was coming out of a codependent relationship in dealing with all of the emotional turmoil that comes along with it. And the devastation that comes along with it and in that journey my healing journey in my spiritual and emotional rebirth I turned to my creator and in with the source knowing that I would never be disappointed or let down within that source and then I also took personal responsibility for myself. So when I prayed for help when I prayed for strength and courage and a way forward I had to take action and say yes when I was being sent those resources or you know the help that I needed are whatever it was I had to say yes right and because I think the analogy of. You know you are praying for food right you're you're hungry your friends and slew it you know you're going to find a means to get that food you got is not going to come here into your home and your kitchen and prepare your food for you and set it on a platter for you to eat yeah we have to take action right to. You know what whatever means that comes to you to earn to purchase to grow food maybe to buy food and then prepare at all of that takes personal responsibility still that whole journey for me. Transformed me and my life in terms of my thinking in terms of my decision making and also in terms of my opportunities. So for me I see it as a success I see success for me in this life and the eternal life through fulfilling my purpose and my purpose has evolved as ID files and there was a time in my life where I had no idea that what my purpose was that I was just kind of blindly on autopilot living going through the motions living a life that I thought I was expected to live you know according to everybody's expectations and so and there was a time in my life where you know I thought my purpose was just about being a life and I thought my purpose is just above not just us but was about being a mother and I will still hold those roles right and I still do but as I've evolved I had been compass everything that I do whether it's you know I go to work as a pharmacist or whether I am coaching the clients are mentoring you know somebody in need or you know giving a talk whatever it is. I'm making the intention to help other people and serving God's creation. So I don't see it as a failure I see it as a success for me right and so I want to hear more about your thoughts I don't want you to know because many times our thinking gets confused with what society wants for us for our family wants for us so I really invite you to look deeper into your own thinking and your own beliefs and reflect right what is so I would write these questions down what are your beliefs about divorce do you think when you see a divorced woman.

 

What does that mean about your status or your value when you're worse as a woman right and where is it rooted and where are these beliefs that you hold really deep you know ingrained where they're coming from and it's really time to bring this conversation up to the conscious surface. Because I'll tell you why this is really important. What you believe about yourself is how you will show up and what you will attract. My, I think my computer is getting heated up because. Sorry guys because it is too strong and my computer cannot handle it so let me see if I can change here. Much as I love to be in the sun I guess the technology cannot handle it so. You. Well hello okay. At some shade here. All right hopefully that will help the performance of my computer. All right so. Okay, I was talking about why it's so important to bring our beliefs and our conscious thinking to the surface level. And someone on Instagram is saying in my case I feel I wasn't good enough that's what I was told. Down down so think about that that's what you're told that's someone's opinion what we are you giving to that person's opinion and it's not the truth because you know your shoes right you know your truth and your truth is really the tween yourselves and your creator right at the end of the day that's where we're getting judge that's where we have to answer to it's not about being it's not about answering to other people. Right no one else is in your marriage no one else is in your mind in your heart they don't know the things that you went through or your intentions so yeah that's a very common actually for women to feel like. They just weren't good enough to make the marriage work you know like there was something lacking within them that because their marriage too and you know I would not do not continue on. Thank you for sharing that yes so when we get this to the surface level it's so important to understand what our our inherent ingrained beliefs about ourselves that maybe maybe conscious of at the moment because and the reason why it's so important is because whatever you inherently believe about yourself on the inside is that how you are going to show up on the outside it is it is. That is dependent on what and who we will attract and be attracted to and that is what you were going to project and that turns into how people perceive you. And that's why it's important to understand this because it always starts with the self the self beliefs dictate the feelings and the actions and sometimes it's just on autopilot and we're not even aware it's not conscious right so it really starts with what you think and what you believe you know your inherent ingrained beliefs about all of this it's not about what other people think right because everyone has their own opinions but it's, more importantly, it's about what your thinking how you're thinking right.

 

So why do you believe what you believe where did you learn from where did you absorb it from the right are we absorbing it and learning it from the correct sources and so now or is it from like patriarchy misogyny culture society like where is it coming from who are making up these rules? It's really time to start thinking about it rather than just blindly following the masses and feeling and doing what we are told without thinking you know without reflecting. I'm so. You know I went on and I had a couple of points and I want you to know that this is such. Look at such a different perspective way of looking at it because most people they don't say I going through divorce made me so successful right and it's not the fact that the the the marriage didn't work out and you know that family dynamic changed but it's about who you are today you know did that make you a better person. And is your purpose here all about marriage what is your purpose here for. And so that's why I created a 9-week course dads really. Goes over all of this and I'm gonna post it right over here because when we understand and we have to perspective of all the things that we go through and we don't understand what is defined as success and what is defined as failure our samples right otherwise we're just following whites everyone is telling us we're following what people define for us as success and failure and we're not defining it for ourselves so that's why it's so important to. To really are. Oops. I lost you here. That's why it's really important to think and reflect yourself and know your own answers so you're not relying on anyone else to. Make those you know those decisions for you and so this course that I have created is a 9 week course called now that it's just you reinventing yourself after divorce so where do you go from here how can you be a success and it's not a bad way it's almost kind of like my success divorced like those things don't go you know in what society tells us those things don't go hand in hand so.

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