How to Cope With How Fast Your Ex Moved On

 

Have you ever felt depressed by how easily you’ve been replaced, like within months of the divorce or even during the marriage (infidelity)?

Have you ever felt that your ex-husband quickly moved on while you are left coping with the mess and trying to put your life back together?

Many sisters have expressed that they’ve felt confused, numb and heck, even relieved. Everyone will have a different reaction because every marriage is unique and different.

But if you’re one of those left feeling filled with hurt, pain, anger, sadness or depression, then read further...

Don’t Take It Personally

I have found that women have a tendency to take an ex’s ability to move on straight away or their infidelity as a personal kick in the teeth. 

You may be thinking, ‘Seriously, how can I not take it personally after I was deceived, betrayed and rejected?’

I hear you sister. Trust me, I’ve been there (more on that later). 

But what I’ve found is that it doesn’t really matter what he is doing or how he is coping after your relationship has ended. His actions are 100% a reflection of him and it was never an indicator of your value or worth.

Once you allow yourself to become so hurt and overwhelmed with self-blame, you’ll get stuck trying to make sense of your ex-spouse’s actions and what it all means about yourself.

The True Reason Why You’re Still Taking It Personally

You may have read the above, rolled your eyes and said, ‘Oh really, Rayesa, it’s that simple, huh?’

Let me share something with you for a bit.

There was a time when I was totally overwhelmed by grief, knowing that my ex had moved on easily without me, leaving me behind in pieces. I found this out during my marriage and I was crushed. 

I felt insecure, threatened and I blamed myself for his actions. 

I thought I was lacking something for him to be in a relationship with another woman and I convinced myself that he’d see the error of his ways and choose to come back to me. 

He didn’t.

And when that happened, it really sealed the coffin for me, so to speak. I was dealing with such painful feelings of rejection and betrayal, not to mention it was a huge blow to my self esteem. 

Today I want to tell you what was really going on. For me and what is really going on for you. Whether it’s your ex moving on after divorce or him being unfaithful, the one thing that is causing your feelings is - your thoughts. 

It’s not actually your ex’s actions, it’s the meaning or the story you are attaching to those events that is causing those difficult emotions of hurt, grief and lack of self confidence when you see your ex enjoying life without you.

Now, that might seem too simple but it is completely true. We are always living the feelings of our thinking in the moment. 

The meaning I gave to my EX’s actions was, ‘I’m not worthy enough, good enough, pretty enough and on and on’. That was the self talk happening within me and showing me how I was translating everything. The only thing I could do was blame him for the way I was feeling which left me powerless to have any other experiences or consciously act.

Our feelings are always 100% of the time coming from our thought in the moment because that is the only place life is happening. Not the past or the future. Feelings do not have complete power over us and they are just an indicator of the quality of our thoughts.

Once we recognize this, we’ll begin to understand that we don’t need to react from emotion (anger, fear, guilt and regret it later). Rather it gives us the opportunity and choice at every moment to respond with a clear mind, intuitively from our highest self.

 

Who Should You Be Focused On?

Again, your ex’s actions are a reflection of him and not an indicator of your value or worth. Focusing on him won’t help you to heal, cope with your wounds, make sense of the breakdown of your marriage or help you move forward in your life.

If you’re building and attaching stories about your worthiness and value and then you’ll begin to believe those stories. If you are looking for needs to be met, validation and security from an external source, you will be constantly disappointed and hurt. Not only that, the wrong people will become attracted to you - the ones that feed off and take advantage of your needs.

Get back to basics and realize who gives you the ultimate honor, value, worthiness, and dignity. Get back to your relationship with Allah, your Creator, Protector, Provider, Sustainer and get back to having a loving relationship with your SELF. 

 
If you’d like to know how you can start this process of coping with your divorce, find out in the free upcoming Masterclass: How to Have Peace of Mind Despite the Hot Mess of Divorce. Click here to register

  

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