How to Know You’ve Healed From Your Divorce.

You have been experiencing something so life-altering and drastic that it can floor you and launch you into a painful grieving process. 

But then after your divorce, you’ll arrive here.

The final step of that process - a place of acceptance. 

A state of acceptance is what we all strive for and a common question I receive is, “But how do I know if I’ve accepted my divorce? How can I tell if I am healed?”

Though everyone is different, here are a few signs you can look for.

You can talk about your divorce with neutrality

If you can talk about your divorce without crying or feeling bitterness, resentment, and anger in your heart, then you know that you’ve moved past your divorce. You’ll feel that it doesn’t define you, and you see it at an experience that has strengthened you and made you more resilient.

You are no longer stuck mourning your loss

Mourning the loss of "what could have been" is natural, but we can’t be stuck in trying to change what happened and whatever anyone did in the past. 

When your real healing starts by doing deep work, you’ll be so conscious of your self awareness. You’ll let go of all baggage and feel the weight falling off as you get closure, and moving toward the light at the end of the tunnel with a hope that you need to move forward. You’re leveling up your tawakkul, (reliance on) God.

You no longer view life as being unfair

“Why me?”, “Did I deserve this?” or “It’s not fair.” are no longer things you think, say or feel.

You may have been wronged, abused, hurt, taken advantage of, oppressed, suppressed, silenced in your marriage, and you did not deserve any of it.

The power of acceptance will transform your outlook and gently move you out of victim mode. It will show you that only YOU get to decide what your divorce and marriage meant or didn’t mean. You get to give meaning to your experience. Whatever were the circumstances in your marriage and its status will no longer indicate your value or worth. 

You are believing and accepting Qadr of Allah (God’s will and plan for you). That is the essence of acceptance.

You have an increased sense of gratitude

When you’re in the place of acceptance, you’ll begin to be grateful and you’ll understand that your level of gratitude will determine the quality of life that you now have.

The fact is everyone is held accountable for their actions - if it isn’t in this world, it will most definitely be in the next. There is no escaping the justice of Allah, as He is the Most Just. Taking an approach of gratitude for whatever comes your way will make you more resilient as you remember and internalize this fact.

Closing Words

Time doesn’t heal your divorce, it only decreases the intensity of the pain and buries it subconsciously. Taking active steps to heal - spiritually and emotionally is the only way forward.

In divorce recovery, as well as any other major loss in life, acceptance of your reality is the most important and most difficult step we must take towards releasing the past and beginning a new chapter of life. It involves giving up blame, resentment, regret, and what we think should or could be. Only Allah can change your situation. True acceptance will ultimately give you the freedom to move forward and the opportunity to flourish in this uncharted territory of possibility and hope.

If you're struggling with moving forward and healing, reach out to me and let’s talk.