My Shattered Heart and Dreams Led to my Awakening

Uncategorized Mar 14, 2018

I spent the first few months of my divorce process in shock and denial. I never thought I would end up in this situation even in my worst nightmares.

I remember in college, during a clinical rotation I was having a conversation with a fellow classmate about my upcoming wedding after graduation to a man who was in medical school. He said,  “Oh you’ll be divorced in 10 yrs or so.” I remember it so vividly because what he said stood out in my mind as absolutely NOT, Never! Not to me.  I thought, what does he know. He’s in his early 30’s, and in his second career. The point is, I was in such denial that I would ever experience divorce. I thought my relationship would never end. That it was, t”ill death do us part.”

What it taught me is to never rule anything out. It also was the first time I realized my worst fears become my greatest tests.

This was one of the greatest tests of my life.

Have you ever had a wake up call that pierced so excruciatingly deep to the core that it just left you spent? Physically, emotionally, and spiritually? One that shatters you to pieces. That makes you question everything about yourself and your life? Catapults you into revolution mode because you have to choose either to let it destroy you or to transform you.

Completely shattered, my only option was I can’t stay here in destruction mode. I have 3 kids relying on me to be present for them.

What do you do when life as you know it is shattered beyond repair? When the only option is build a new one. An internal revolution, a metamorphosis into a your greatest potential that was dormant until the perfect catalyst/storm raged through you? Tearing the up the old and rebuilding, rewiring, replanting and priming all parts of your self. Your mind, heart, body, and soul; and purpose of your existence.

All is not lost. You can heal, transform and revolutionize yourself from the  treasures, wisdoms and life lessons during the internal revolution. The kind of transformation that creates the most beautiful, resilient character and soul that knows there's more inside. Endless potential, possibility, level of consciousness, and living that sends shivers up and down your body and soul. So you fight, climb, work, and struggle through the pain toward healing. A new, fresh, clean slate. In a sense a rebirth. That is how I would describe the beginning of my spiritual and emotional rebirth.


A rebirth requires taking action.


{Quran 13:11}  For each (person), there are angels in succession, before and behind him. They guard him by the Command of Allah. Verily! Allah will not change the good condition of a people as long as they do not change their state of goodness themselves (by committing sins and by being ungrateful and disobedient to Allah). But when Allah wills a people's punishment, there can be no turning back of it, and they will find besides Him no protector.  

There is no need to suffer, regardless of your situation. Do your part. That will look different for everyone. Allah does not ask us to suffer when he says to have sabr. Sabr is often translated as having patience. Sabr doesn't mean suffering in silence and isolation. When you take action to help yourself Allah will help you.

Empower yourself through Allah. By having a quiet mind, not giving into the fears your mind creates and listening. When the mind is quiet you can hear your answers for your life from within, through your connection with Allah.

Sabr doesn't mean accepting or tolerating abuse or injustice; Physical, verbal, emotional, mental, financial, spiritual or sexual.

Tolerance and acceptance of abuse comes from tolerating abuse from yourself. In the way you talk to yourself and your inner dialogue. The words you chose to say to yourself, become your beliefs and then actions.

It’s said we teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.

So many examples in the Quran of beautiful patience; When prophet Jacob received the news from his sons that his younger son Yusuf (pbuh) was eaten by a wolf, when Aisha (RA) was slandered from the incident of her lost necklace.

These examples inspire us to move forward and take the right action even if that action is waiting until the best outcome unfolds.

If you are going through a divorce or are a divorced woman I invite you to reflect on:

1. Where are you holding back in your life out of fear?

2. Where are you stuck?

3. Where do you need to take action?


Additional questions to reflect on:
1. How do you value and care for yourself as a beautiful creation of Allah?

2. How do you feel about your value and self worth?

3. What is your self talk:

~Criticizing, demeaning, harsh, unforgiving, expecting perfection?


~Kindness, compassion, encouragement, patience, respectful? 


Reach out to me and share your greatest test. Your worst nightmare or fear come true.


If you know someone who could use this support, feel free to share this message with them.



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