Was my divorce a mistake? The issue of self doubt and struggle through divorce


Self-doubt is a very common thing to experience when going through a divorce.

Whether the decision for divorce is mutual or one sided, ‘Am I doing the right thing?’ is the question that usually plagues the mind.

I know. I’ve been there.

This self-doubt can lead us down many dark alleys of thoughts.

One such alley is the thought, ‘If Allah really wanted me to have this divorce then he would make it easy for me to go through.’

It’s this type of thinking I want to really breakdown and examine.


Struggle is a part of Dunya

So, the first thing I want us to look at is the idea that if Allah really wants something for you, then he will facilitate it and make it easy for you.

While there’s truth in that statement, at the same time, no one is guaranteed an easy life. Hardship and struggle is a part of being in Dunya. It is also what builds and grows us to reach our potential.

Conversely, if we believe that statement, then it can also lead us to think that because something might come easy for us, then it must be good or something that Allah wants for you.

We know that is definitely not true.


You get to choose

Now there’s another way to look at it and we can start by examining this hadith:

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him". [Muslim].

The process of divorce itself is not easy - in fact, in many cases, we consider it to be an adversity. The mistake we often make is to think that when we go through adversity, then it is a punishment and we are going against what Allah wants.

However, when you look at this hadith, then one thing that comes out is that part of any struggle or test can bring you closer to Allah - and that goes for divorce as well.

The only time it becomes a calamity or punishment, is when it takes you away from Allah.

So really, it’s never the situation itself that is the calamity, it’s how you are dealing with it.

Are you being patient and trusting in Allah or are you living in regret and despair?

You get to choose.


My words of encouragement for you

I never in a million years thought that I was going to be the one to go through a divorce. And when it happened, it completely shocked me.

I struggled with the doubts and asked myself these same questions because the process felt so heavy and difficult.

But I’ve come to the understanding that my journey in this life is not going to be easy or a piece of cake where I’m just sailing through life.

Otherwise, I would already be in Jannah!

And it if you think that someone has an easy life or has it made, know that it's an illusion because everyone has their own struggles.

Remember the prophets Yusuf and Yaqub and how they endured their adversities and had beautiful patience. Know that when unpleasant things happen, it’s not to hurt or harm you.

Hardships are meant to stretch us and help us to grow closer to Allah.

In my case, my divorce has indeed brought me closer to Allah and closer to fulfilling my potential.

Now, ask yourself -  How will I choose to approach my situation? Will I choose for this struggle to take me away from Allah? Or will I choose to struggle and patiently persevere towards my Lord? Which will bring me success?


To find out more about my 12 Month Mastermind Program - Reinvent Yourself After Divorce  Let's Chat

Accelerate your healing and progress by nurturing and strengthening your 2 foundational relationships to be Unbreakable and rebuild a more peaceful, authentic, purposeful, fearlessly confident life for yourself and your family.

Seeking for that supportive community while you are navigating your divorce? Join my group The Divorced Muslimah Network in Facebook where I frequently answer your questions, anonymous or directly. 



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