Where to Look for Safety and Security in Uncertain Times After Divorce

Similar to all the uncertainties from the current pandemic of Coronavirus, safety and security are real concerns for women during divorce. 

Divorce is a huge life altering change. Everything as you once knew it is shifting and you are going into new unchartered territory. It’s common to feel panic, anxiety and fear. 

Let’s unpack this a bit and break down the difference between physical and psychological safety.

A different kind of security

Physically, most of us are relatively safe. We don't have people dropping bombs, chasing us from our homes or threatening our lives. Yet, we can still feel unsafe emotionally, as we often do. 

The fact is, these are just thoughts in the moment. We feel the fear because we are having fearful thinking. The only difference is when you're feeling safe is because you are not having fearful thinking as opposed to actually seeing the unsafe reality in front of our eyes

We are feeling our thoughts 100% of the time.

Let’s look at an example of a woman who has 4 children and is now divorced after 27 years. Her husband took care of everything during the marriage and suddenly she had to make all these new decisions. She experienced a lot of fear about who would rent her a place to live, with no credit history. Her fearful, insecure thoughts made her feel unsafe and insecure. 

Then she got a comfortable house because a landlord was willing to take a chance on her. She felt relieved and at ease that she was all set. She wouldn’t have to worry about finding a home anymore. Her thoughts of ease made her feel safe and secure. 

Now, less than one year later, she again had to move out and find a new place to live - this time within 3 months. She is feeling uprooted, unstable, and insecure. She’s in such a state of overwhelm and stress that her mind can’t think clearly or productively to manage her current situation. She ends up coping with the stress and overwhelm by procrastinating and avoiding taking charge of the situation and getting things done. 

Throughout all those situations, her feelings of security were directly linked to how she was thinking about her situation.

Sisters, uncertainty doesn’t have to feel heavy because stability, safety, security comes from Allah. So, let Allah do the heavy lifting instead of relying on the possibilities of our human mind and our own capabilities.

Attach our feelings to The Source, Who can make anything happen by saying “BE”. 

The feeling of safety, security, and stability come from your thinking in the present moment. 

Things like housing and finances all come down to Rizq. 

Orchestrating the right opportunity

This can only be done through the power of Allah.

The new adjustments may be hard in the beginning, but that is just because it’s new. The reality of it is that sustenance, housing, and finances, all come from Allah. Allah is our Protector, Provider, Maintainer and Sustainer. He is Ar-Razzaq. The sense (feeling) of safety, security, and stability comes from believing in Allah. 

When we don't feel the security it’s because our ability to see Allah’s power is clouded. Our intention and action is our responsibility while the outcome is Allah’s domain.

There is still a few months and plenty of time for anything to happen. When you put your trust in Allah it’s always very surprising what does happen. That is called tawakkul (reliance on Allah).

Many of the women I support know this intellectually, but are not able to embody it yet.

This is where I can help. I can help you to start embodying and living your life with tawakkul IN THE MOMENT!!  

Then you are not constantly feeling overwhelmed, afraid, unsafe, insecure and then acting on these emotions. Instead, you are trusting Allah and His plan for you, even when you have no idea what the future holds.

You will be able to navigate your decisions from a calm, wise, confident manner.  You’ll believe deep down that you’re OK and will always be OK because Allah does not give you more than you can handle.

Seeking for that supportive community while you are navigating your divorce? Join my group To Divorce or Not To in Facebook where I frequently answer your questions, anonymous or directly.