According to Psychology, our actions are connected to our feelings and rooted in our thoughts.
Thought ➡️ feelings ➡️ action.
So it’s important to know that your actions come from you and only you. It’s not about or because of others.
But it requires a great deal of self awareness and consciousness to realize it and internalize this truth.
Pitfalls of Focusing on Behavior Modification
Solely focusing on behavior modification won’t work because the behavior is the outcome. We can’t squash and control the outcome - behavior - because that only teaches you how to perform through life rather than how to consciously live in it.
If you only try to control the outcome (behavior), it leads to self betrayal and self hatred. It will cause you to perform or conform in order to be seen, accepted, validated, and loved.
This then leads to trauma that forces us to adopt coping mechanisms such as addictions or self sabotage to deal with the pain, to numb it or escape from it, albeit temporarily.
This is similar to an inflammatory disease that is treated with anti-inflammatory medications. What is needed goes beyond just the medication. What needs to be done is to find the source of the inflammation, which is usually nutrition and stress management.
Do You Know Why You Do What You Do?
Let’s work backwards.
Your action comes from your feelings, which are the indicator of the quality of your thoughts.
But you can’t really control your thoughts because once it’s thought, it’s felt. Neither can we unthink or unfeel once it happens.
Thought is really the lens that filters the heart. It is directly correlated with the condition of the heart. Is your heart hardened, angry, jealous, bitter, full of fear, oblivious to blessings and relying on other than God? Or is it soft, forgiving, thankful?
Start to recognize if your thought patterns are pessimistic and negative or optimistic and come from a heart that is securely attached to Allah.
Your thought patterns will tell you the condition of your heart and will determine how you experience life. Remember, you are feeling your thoughts at the moment at all times.
So let’s start at the core and work to purify your heart and strengthen your relationship with Allah. Then pay attention to your thoughts. Pull back every time you start to respond to a situation and recognize the pattern of your thoughts and be conscious of your feelings before you take any further actions.
If you are struggling with being conscious of your thoughts and feelings from your marriage breakdown and want to move forward with clarity, confidence, and wisdom in your divorce, get in touch with me.