Have you ever struggled with asking for or accepting help when it’s offered?
Do you feel that asking for help is an inconvenience, burdensome, and embarrassing?
If you’re stuck in problematic situations and yet refuse help, realize that this only results in you overburdening yourself and the cost of that is that it can lead to voluntary self-isolation.
If you say ‘NO’ long enough, people will stop offering and just leave you to fend for yourself because you’ve never expressed the need for help or accept it with gratitude.
Why You Expect Help but Yet Resist It.
Allah designed the male and female in a manner where the male has that additional responsibility to take care of their women. He is accountable for the women in his life, to make sure they are cared for in a manner she deserves with dignity, honor and respect.
This doesn’t mean she isn’t capable of taking care of herself. It means she is privileged and honored to be treated and cared for in this way.
This is a way Allah shows his love for us women. However, many times this is not being practiced by the men in our families or communities and so we no longer expect to be taken care of and don’t know how to respond when it is offered to us.
There was a recent time, as I was leaving a halal meat store, the owner asked me if I needed help and I said, “No, thank you. I’m OK.” Immediately after, I reflected on why I said that.
It was an automatic reply. Without consciously thinking, I refused the help. As I looked deeper into my conditioning, I realized that I may have gotten so accustomed to individualism and not expecting help from anyone, that when it comes, we can’t see or even accept it.
Perhaps due to disappointments our expectations have shifted. We are struggling to take each interaction as a fresh new one. Or maybe our thoughts could be that we are somehow inferior by accepting help or admitting we need help.
How to Ask For What You Need.
To take care of our needs is a personal responsibility. We don’t depend on people to fulfill those needs. When we ask, know that Allah is The Source because all help comes from Allah and the right people are sent by Allah to help us.
When you shift into being in the present moment and having tawakkul, without fail, every time help will arrive. You still have to ask and not to take it personally when you receive a ‘No’. Simply, take the next course of action without attempting to reason why someone refused to help.
For example, I am not panicking anymore about last minute babysitting or childcare needs because I know Allah will bail me out. I wasn’t always like this, instead I would react with heightened emotions and make mistakes because I didn’t make the confident decisions required to take charge of the situation.
Having no help with the kids was qadr of Allah and it taught us to:
1. Accept and know that Allah is in control of all things in this universe.
2. Realize that it’s time for our (older) children to stay home alone and this is a test.
And in my case, it went perfectly fine. Now, this is a new normal which has contributed to our growth as a family.
How to Release the Discomfort Around Receiving Help.
Allah tells us in the quran, that when we want help then making dua is the first step. So, if you’ve been asking for help, when Allah sends it, you would be silly to refuse. He’s not going to come cook, do laundry, clean your house, and do your groceries for you. The people and resources He sends are His way to help you.
When it is difficult for you to ask for help or accept help, think of it as Allah sending you help and that person earning a reward for helping you. So in a sense, you are also helping that person by accepting their help.
You can also release the discomfort around receiving by changing your mindset about giving. Begin by developing a giving, serving, abundance mindset. Believe that there is enough for everyone.
So, are you willing to offer help?
If someone asks for your last toilet paper, Clorox wipes, food, etc. then share. It will come back to you. Step away from a scarcity, fearful mindset because this is from shaytan. Think and believe in the good of Allah and His creation and act on that belief accordingly.
Don’t put yourself in neglect or hardship, but share what you have. When you have nothing to share it’s OK to say no with a smile and kindness.And just to add, sharing and giving support never has to be at your expense. No one can exploit or take advantage of you unless you allow them to. Know your boundaries.
And with this, I want to let you know that you deserve help and support. So if you are struggling with the breakdown of your marriage and want to move forward with clarity, confidence, and wisdom in your divorce, know that I am here for you (click here to send me a message).
Let me know in the comments, do you find it hard to ask for help? And if yes, then why?