In the previous article, Despite Marrying the “Wrong Person”, Your Divorce is not a Failure, we have addressed how you can see your divorce as a success rather than a failure. Now let’s find out how your divorce experience can lead you to think that the divorce does not hold you back in any way to live the life you deserve.
Unfortunately, you are more trained in ‘how you should think’ from sources other than Quran and Sunnah. Many Muslims currently have deeply rooted cultural beliefs around divorce and how it relates to the value and worth of women.
So, how can you, as a divorced woman, finally accept what has happened in your marriage as your destined path?
There are two ways to answer that:
Knowing yourself is the gateway to knowing your Creator. You must know the purpose of why you are created—which is to worship God. If anything is taking you away from that purpose, then it is not going to be good for you. If, for example, Allah has led you to a divorce, then He has a better plan for you. Allah knew who He was pairing you up with, and He also knew why the relationship should end. God paired you up with your spouse because that is what you needed at that moment.
Allah doesn’t make mistakes.
He knows who He sent to you and why He sent that person to you. The relationship is the tool by which you can grow and know more about yourself if you know where to look. That is inward. If with every friction the finger is pointed to your partner that will not help you grow, rather it keeps you stuck in blame and victimhood. Allah is The Lord of the Worlds and has designed every situation, circumstance, and people for a purpose for you. Especially when you have children with this person. Those children were meant to enter this world with the parents they were bonded with by Allah for yet another purpose. Nothing Allah orchestrates is without a purpose. Therefore, you never really marry the wrong person.
If you chose to use it as the impetus to step into the best version of yourself (your fitra soul). You have to understand your human experiences, that whatever happens to you is a process. This way, you are on the journey to connect to your fitra soul. You learn to differentiate between your intuitive wisdom guiding you and actions derived from your feelings (following nafs, desires, or ego).
Allah has created you as a free independent soul on the fitra.
You have free choices on how you respond to your circumstances, situation, and people, which all are blessings or tests. You are not hopeless and helpless in how you choose to live our life. This understanding will free you from the blame game and from thinking that your marriage was a failure to take ownership of your part in the relationship.
Allah always sends you what you need and when you need it—like your marriage and your divorce. Perhaps, it is one way Allah says to you that your views as a human are limited. There may be something that you don’t like which is good for you, and something that you like that is bad for you. It is His way to say there is something greater coming up for you.
If this resonated with you and you would like to learn more about how your divorce can launch you into the next whole, healthy best version of yourself and elevate in this life and the next, reach out to me.
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